The Nevertheless Technique
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
Making your child feel heard doesn't mean giving them what they want - it means acknowledging their input before holding your ground.
Your child is arguing passionately about why the punishment is unfair. They've listed every reason, invoked every precedent, cited what other parents allow. They think this is a negotiation.
Annie Duke's magic word: nevertheless.
"I hear you. Nevertheless, you're grounded for two weeks."
This isn't dismissive - it's the opposite. You're genuinely acknowledging their perspective. You're showing them their voice matters. But you're also showing them that being heard doesn't automatically mean getting your way.
The same technique works in leadership. Employees push back on decisions constantly. The skill is saying: "I heard you, your input was incorporated, nevertheless, this is the path we're taking." Right or wrong, that's the decision.
Children need to feel heard. They also need to learn that the world won't always bend to their arguments, no matter how eloquent. Nevertheless teaches both.
PM Theme: Leading through influence not authority
Parenting Theme: Setting loving boundaries
“You have to have the balance between them feeling heard, which I think is incredibly important that your children feel heard, and following through on what you know or believe is right. So it's I hear you. Nevertheless, you're grounded for two weeks.”Annie Duke · 00:18:56
“Nevertheless is a really good one with children.”Annie Duke · 00:19:51
