The Unbearable Six Seconds

"How was school?" "Fine."

Every parent knows this dance. You ask, they deflect, you give up. Kim Scott has a technique from management that works beautifully on children: the six-second silence.

After you ask a question - a real question, not "how was your day" but something specific like "what happened at lunch today?" - close your mouth and count to six. Don't fill the silence. Don't rephrase. Just wait.

Six seconds is excruciating. Almost nobody can endure it. The silence creates space that your child will eventually fill - often with something real.

This works because we're conditioned to fill awkward silences. Children especially. They'll say "I dunno" as a reflex, but if you just wait, something more honest usually follows.

The hard part isn't the technique. It's sitting with the discomfort. But that's parenting, isn't it? Being willing to be uncomfortable so they don't have to carry it alone.