It's Not Mean, It's Clear
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
A stranger on the street taught Kim Scott more about parenting in one sentence than most books: 'It's not mean. It's clear.'
Kim Scott was walking her new puppy in Manhattan when she almost got hit by a cab. A stranger looked at her and said: "I can tell you love that dog. But you're going to kill that dog if you don't teach her to sit."
He pointed at the ground with a firm gesture. "Sit." The dog sat. Kim had no idea the dog even knew the command.
The stranger looked at her stunned face and said: "It's not mean. It's clear." Then the light changed and he walked off.
This is the tension every loving parent feels. We soften our instructions because we don't want to seem harsh. We say "maybe we should think about putting on shoes?" when we mean "put on your shoes." We negotiate when we should direct.
Children don't experience clarity as cruelty. They experience it as safety. They know where the boundaries are. They know what's expected. They don't have to guess.
It's not mean. It's clear. Words to parent by.
PM Theme: Clarity in communication
Parenting Theme: Setting loving boundaries
“I can tell you love that dog... You're going to kill that dog if you don't teach her to sit. And he pointed at the ground this kind of harsh gesture. He said, 'Sit.' The dog sat, had no idea she even knew what that meant. And I kind of looked up at him in amazement and he said, 'It's not mean. It's clear.'”Kim Scott · 01:21:46
