The Spelling Test on the Fridge

Jerry Colonna works with leaders who chase success to quiet a voice that whispers they're not good enough. Many trace it back to childhood.

When we stick the spelling test on the refrigerator with magnets, it's pride. But the challenging message we can inadvertently send is that we only love them because they got an A.

As a parent, isn't unconditional love the feeling you want your child to have? That their value as a human being is unshakable - not dependent on what they achieve?

Jerry asks Lenny: "Is your wife going to love you even if the podcast fails?" Of course she will. The people who actually know you and care about you may be proud of your efforts, but their love isn't dependent on success.

Hold onto goals because solving puzzles is fun, because doing hard work is affirming. But separate that from worth. The message children need isn't "I love you because you achieved" - it's "I love you, and also I'm proud of your hard work." The order matters.