Fear Is Lying to You
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
That terrifying scenario you're imagining about your child? Fear is almost certainly giving you bad advice.
Matt Mochary coaches some of the most successful CEOs in Silicon Valley. His biggest observation? Fear grips the mind and prevents people from seeing reality. When someone's afraid, their brain makes wildly exaggerated predictions.
He's made a standing bet with hundreds of executives: when you're in fear, tell me what you think will happen, and I'll predict the opposite. He's never lost.
This is every parenting anxiety spiral ever. Your kid is behind on milestones - your brain screams they'll never catch up. Your toddler is shy at the playground - your brain whispers they'll never make friends. Your four-year-old still can't write their name - clearly they're falling behind forever.
Fear makes you see catastrophe where there's just... a kid developing at their own pace.
Matt's advice: when you're gripped by fear, don't trust your own judgment. Ask someone who isn't afraid - a partner, a friend, your pediatrician. They can see clearly when you can't. Not because they're smarter, but because they're not gripped.
Fear is probably lying to you. Check with someone who can actually see.
PM Theme: Dealing with ambiguity and uncertainty
Parenting Theme: Managing parenting anxiety
“When someone's in fear, they're gripped. They can't see reality, their brain is making very exaggerated predictions. Whereas when someone is not in fear, and I'm not because it's not my situation, I am not gripped and therefore, my brain isn't making exaggerated predictions.”Matt Mochary · 00:09:31
“I've made this bet hundreds of times and so far, I've never lost. It's not because I'm magician or a genius, it's because when someone's in fear, they're gripped.”Matt Mochary · 00:09:31
