Empathy Is Not Optional
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
When you tell your child to 'figure it out' in frustration, you're not teaching independence - you're making a mistake.
Seth Godin has a list of things product managers get wrong. Number one: 'Empathy is not about kindness and empathy is not optional.'
In tech, there's a culture of RTFM - Read The Manual. When users struggle, frustrated developers think: it's all documented. Why don't they just read it?
Seth is blunt: if you're saying that to your customers, you made a mistake. They did not make a mistake.
Parents do this constantly. Your kid is struggling with their shoes. You've shown them a hundred times. 'Just figure it out!' Or they can't find something obvious. 'It's RIGHT THERE!' Or they don't understand the rule you've explained a dozen times.
When you're frustrated that they don't get it, you're making the RTFM mistake. You built something (an explanation, a routine, a system) that they can't use. That's not their failure. That's feedback about your product.
Empathy isn't being nice. It's recognizing that if your child is confused, the confusion is useful information. What did you assume they knew that they don't? What did you skip?
You're making something for another person. If it's not working for them, the mistake is yours to fix.
PM Theme: Understanding users / deep listening
Parenting Theme: Seeing through your child's eyes
“The first one is this, empathy is not about kindness and empathy is not an option. This is something that you are making for other people.”Seth Godin · 00:14:26
“So the whole idea of RTFM, read the manual, I'm angry at you. If you're saying that to your customers, you made a mistake, they did not make a mistake.”Seth Godin · 00:14:49
