It's Just a Feeling
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
90% of your child's meltdowns aren't caused by what you think - they're caused by feelings they don't know how to handle.
Nir Eyal went full extreme trying to eliminate distraction. He bought a 1990s flip phone from China. Got a word processor off eBay. No apps, no internet. And you know what happened? He still got distracted. He'd sit at his desk and suddenly need to take out the trash, clean something, do 'research' in a book.
The problem was never the technology. It was his inability to deal with discomfort.
Studies show that only 10% of distractions come from external triggers - the pings, dings, and rings. The other 90%? Internal triggers. Boredom. Loneliness. Fatigue. Uncertainty. Anxiety.
This is your child. That meltdown isn't really about the blue cup versus the green cup. It's about something they're feeling that they can't name or handle. They're not being difficult - they're experiencing discomfort and don't have the tools to manage it.
Nir's empowering reframe: once you realize it's just a feeling - that's all it is, just an emotion - then you can address it. Help your child name what they're actually feeling. The cup isn't the problem. The feeling is.
PM Theme: Understanding users / deep listening
Parenting Theme: Teaching emotional regulation
“I kept getting distracted because the problem is not our technology. The problem is our inability to deal with discomfort... 90% of the time that we get distracted, it's not because of what's happening outside of us, but that most distraction begins from within boredom, loneliness, fatigue, uncertainty, anxiety.”Nir Eyal · 00:00:00
“It's just a feeling. It's all it is, it's just an emotion. Then you can have tools ready to go. You can have arrows in your quiver ready to take out as soon as you feel that discomfort.”Nir Eyal · 00:00:51
