Meet Your Monster

Molly Graham names her emotional chaos monster Bob. When Bob shows up, he wants her to send rage emails, burn bridges, make terrible decisions. Bob's job is to make her the worst version of herself.

The trick isn't to eliminate Bob - he never goes away. The trick is to recognize him.

This is exactly what children need. When they're overwhelmed by anger or fear or frustration, they're not bad kids. Bob just showed up. And Bob's suggestions (hit your sister, throw the toy, scream until you get what you want) are Bob's job, not their fault.

Molly's rule: let Bob do his thing, but don't act on the emotions. These feelings are normal AND not useful. They're not the compass that should tell you what to do.

She also has a two-week rule. Strong emotions that pass in a few days? That's just Bob rolling through. But anything that lasts two weeks is worth paying attention to.

Help your child name their monster. When they're melting down: 'Is that you or is that your monster talking?' Externalizing the emotion gives them space to observe it instead of becoming it. The monster is visiting. The monster isn't them.