Snorkel Before You Scuba
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
Before you decide your child is the problem, check if the situation is the problem.
Molly Graham uses the Waterline Model to diagnose team problems. A team is like a boat - and most problems are hiding underwater. There are four levels: structural issues at the top (goals, roles, expectations), dynamics below that (culture, decision-making), then interpersonal (relationships), and at the very bottom, intrapersonal (individual issues).
Her rule: snorkel before you scuba. Start at the surface.
80% of problems happen at the structural level. Before blaming a person, check: Do they actually know what's expected of them? Is the situation set up for success?
This transforms how you respond to your child's struggles.
They're not listening at bedtime? Before concluding they're being defiant, ask: is the routine clear? Are expectations consistent between parents? Did something change in the environment?
They're hitting their sibling? Before punishment, check: are they tired? Hungry? Overstimulated? Is there a structural problem creating conflict?
Molly says 80% of performance issues at companies trace back to unclear expectations. The same is true at home. Your child might not be failing you - the system around them might be failing them. Snorkel first.
PM Theme: Root cause analysis
Parenting Theme: Understanding behavior
“You snorkel before you scuba. 80% of problems on teams actually happen because of structural issues or dynamics issues.”Molly Graham · 00:40:37
“Your only goal as a manager, if you do nothing else, is clear roles and clear expectations... almost always I show up and it turns out that no one knows what their job is and no one knows what success looks like.”Molly Graham · 00:41:44
