The Eigenquestion
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
Before you debate screen time limits, ask the question that answers all your other parenting questions at once.
Shishir Mehrotra tells a story about YouTube's toughest decision. Should they link out to ABC.com when people searched for Modern Family? Half the company said yes (serve the user), half said no (protect the business). They debated for months.
Then someone asked the real question: In ten years, will online video value consistency or comprehensiveness? Everyone agreed: consistency. And suddenly the Modern Family question answered itself. Of course they wouldn't link out.
Shishir calls this an eigenquestion - the question that, when answered, answers all your subsequent questions.
Parenting is full of debates that seem impossible. Screen time. Sugar. Bedtime. Extracurriculars. But most of these become simple if you first answer your eigenquestion.
What kind of adults are we trying to raise? What values matter most in our family? Is autonomy or safety the priority at this age?
If your eigenquestion is 'we value self-regulation over rules,' then screen time limits become a conversation, not a battle. If it's 'we prioritize connection over achievement,' then the extracurricular decision makes itself.
Find your eigenquestion. The tactical debates get much easier.
PM Theme: Vision and strategy
Parenting Theme: Parenting with intention
“The eigenquestion is the question that when answered also answers the most subsequent questions... We value consistency over comprehensiveness. We definitely don't need to link out. In fact, we should make a whole bunch of other decisions as well.”Shishir Mehrotra · 00:53:35
“Instead of ranking questions by importance, rank them by which ones would eliminate the most other questions from the list.”Shishir Mehrotra · 00:53:35
