Ask for the Criticism

Kim Scott has a rule: if you say 'Do you have any feedback for me?' you're wasting your breath. The other person will always say 'Oh no, everything's fine.'

Instead, she has a go-to question: 'What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?'

'Do not write down my question because if you sound like Kim Scott and not like yourself, then other people are not going to believe you want the answer. It needs to sound authentic to you.'

The same applies to parenting. Generic questions get generic answers. 'How was school?' gets 'Fine.' But a specific, authentic question - one you've actually thought about and practiced - opens real conversation.

Once you ask, close your mouth and count to six. 'Six seconds is a really long time. Almost nobody can endure six full seconds of silence. So they'll probably tell you something.'

The feedback you need most is the feedback nobody wants to give. Your job is to make it easier to give.