The Anxiety Equation

Chip Conley wrote a book called Emotional Equations. The most useful one for parents?

'Anxiety equals uncertainty times powerlessness. 98% of anxiety comes from two sources. One is what you don't know, and number two is what you can't control or influence.'

This explains so much about kids. They don't know what's happening next. They can't control most of their environment. Of course they're anxious.

'You can create an anxiety balance sheet. First column is what do you know? Second is what don't you know? Third is what can you control? Fourth is what can't you control?'

For a toddler: they don't know where you're going. They can't control when you leave. Multiply those together - massive anxiety.

The fix? Reduce one variable. Tell them what's happening (reduce uncertainty). Give them a small choice (reduce powerlessness).

'When you take free-floating anxiety and put it into an equation, it actually makes it more tangible, and you often are less anxious as a result.'