Observable Facts Only
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
An executive coach says to give feedback using 'observable facts' not judgments - which is the difference between 'you're being mean' and 'I saw you push your sister.'
Alisa Cohn has one rule for difficult feedback: observable facts only.
'It's not a judgment. As less judgy as possible. Observable facts. "I saw the way you interact with your peers, and here's what I'm hearing from them."'
With kids, we constantly violate this.
'You're being difficult.' (Judgment) 'You're so mean.' (Judgment) 'Why do you always do this?' (Judgment disguised as a question)
Observable facts sound different:
'I saw you push your sister.' 'I heard you say you wouldn't share.' 'I noticed you threw your food on the floor.'
Judgments trigger defensiveness. Observable facts are harder to argue with.
'What's my evidence that this is happening? You have to spend some time thinking about it, but it's really worth it because it makes the feedback easier for you to give and easier for them to hear.'
Even a three-year-old can hear 'I saw you do X' more easily than 'You are Y.'
PM Theme: Specific, actionable feedback
Parenting Theme: Describing behavior without labeling
“Observable facts. The idea that this is not a judgment. Sort of as less judgy as possible is also very helpful. It makes it neutral.”Alisa Cohn · 00:19:05
“What's my evidence that this is happening? You have to spend some time thinking about it, but it's really worth it because it makes the feedback easier for you to give and easier for them to hear.”Alisa Cohn · 00:19:52
