The Pause Button

Alisa Cohn has a script for when conversations go sideways.

'Let's pause for a second. I'm feeling the energy has changed and I can see that you're getting a little bit heated by what I'm saying. I want you to know that I have no intention of upsetting you. I just want to be able to talk to you about the things that are going to help you.'

This works with a three-year-old.

'I can see you're getting really upset. Let's pause.' (Acknowledge the feeling)

'I'm not trying to make you sad. I love you.' (Reassure your intent)

'Let's take a breath and then talk about this.' (Create space)

The magic is in naming what's happening without escalating it.

'My observation is that you're getting a little bit emotional. I want to know if we can continue having this conversation now or if we need to pause it.'

You're not forcing the conversation. You're creating an off-ramp. Most of the time, the pause itself is enough.