Fascinating
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
When someone says something you profoundly disagree with, responding 'Fascinating, tell me more' is the most disarming thing you can do - and it works identically when your toddler announces they're never wearing pants again.
Meta's CTO said this about Ami Vora: 'She could have the most profound disagreement in the world and she would respond, "Fascinating, you have to tell me more why you think that." I watched it absolutely tear down walls between points of view.'
Ami's secret? It's not natural.
'I really enjoy being right. But I realized I was letting my ego overtake my desire to get to the best outcome. Other people have information I don't have.'
Try it with your three-year-old.
'I'm never wearing pants again.' Instead of: 'Yes you are, put on pants.' Try: 'Fascinating. Tell me more about why you don't want to wear pants.'
You might learn something. (They're itchy. They don't like the button. Their sibling doesn't have to wear pants because diapers.)
'The most important thing is just taking a pause. When you take a pause, your body calms down, your mind gets a chance to breathe.'
Fascinating buys you that pause.
PM Theme: Curiosity over defensiveness
Parenting Theme: De-escalating through genuine interest
“She could have the most profound disagreement in the world with somebody and they would say something that she thought was not just wrong, but crazy wrong, and she would respond, 'Fascinating, you have to tell me more why you think that.'”Ami Vora · 00:10:58
“I really enjoy being right. The thing that changed is me just saying it's more important for us to get to the outcome than to be right.”Ami Vora · 00:11:22
