Adaptations Gone Awry

Andy Johns developed a survival mechanism as a child: achievement equals love.

'My attachment to achievement and how my self-worth was entirely tied up in that - I needed that when I was younger because I was heartbroken. That adaptation saved my life when I was young, and it gave me a great childhood after that. But these adaptations, if you're unaware of them, they run the risk that they go too far, and they become detrimental to your present state and your future development.'

This is parenting in microcosm.

The nursing-to-sleep that saved your sanity at three months? At two years, it's a crutch neither of you can shake.

The co-sleeping that created bonding? At four, it's preventing independence.

The rescue-from-every-discomfort that worked as an infant? At three, it's teaching helplessness.

'What initially was beneficial reverses course.'

Every adaptation has an expiration date. The question is whether you notice before it expires.