Feel It First

Anneka Gupta has received a lot of hard feedback. Her process:

'It's very natural to feel upset, defensive, all the negative emotions. I try to let myself just feel the things that I'm going to feel. Sometimes that means I want to step out of the room. Then once that's passed - whether that's a few hours or a few days - don't react. Listen. Then ask myself, where is this feedback coming from?'

Now imagine your three-year-old screams 'I hate you!'

Your body will react. Your heart will drop. Let yourself feel that. Don't pretend it's fine.

Then: don't react. Don't lecture. Don't punish. Get curious.

Where is this coming from? Are they tired? Scared? Testing a boundary? Did something happen at daycare?

'When you come back curious, people then want to give you more feedback because they know you're listening.'

Feel it. Don't react. Get curious.

That's the whole formula.