Too Busy for People Who Matter

Chesky discovered a painful paradox during his busiest years: 'The people I really cared about, a lot of them said, Well, he's busy so he'll reach out to me when he's not busy. But I was so busy that all I was doing all day was responding to people. And so if people I cared about didn't reach out to me, I was dealing with incoming.'

The people who love you don't want to bother you. So they wait. But you're drowning in other people's demands. So you never reach out. And slowly, quietly, you lose touch.

Parents do this with their own support systems. Too busy with the kids to call your mom. Too overwhelmed to reach out to that friend who could help. And those people, thinking you'll call when you're ready, wait patiently. But you never are.

The fix is to schedule it. Be proactive about relationships. Don't let 'incoming' set your agenda. And for your kids: teach them that the people who matter won't always knock loudly. Sometimes you have to be the one who reaches out.