The Three Layers of Language
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
First they give you the pleasant answer. Then they exaggerate. Only then do you get the truth.
Bob Moesta describes three layers you have to dig through to get to truth. The first is the 'pablum layer' - surface pleasantries. 'How was your day?' 'Good.' Meaningless. The second is the 'fantasy nightmare layer' - exaggeration in either direction. 'It was SO GOOD because...' or 'It was SO BAD because...' Still not truth. Only when you push past both do you get to what actually happened.
Kids operate exactly this way. 'How was school?' 'Fine.' That's pablum. Push a little: 'HORRIBLE! The worst day ever!' That's fantasy-nightmare. Keep going: 'Well, actually, Marcus took my pencil at recess and didn't give it back.' That's the truth.
Most parents give up at layer one or two. They either accept 'fine' and stop asking, or they get dramatic exaggeration and react to that. But the real story is in layer three, and getting there requires patience and follow-up questions.
'Tell me more about that. Give me an example.' Don't settle for easy answers.
PM Theme: Customer interviews / getting accurate data
Parenting Theme: Getting kids to open up about their day
“The very first layer is called the pablum layer, where people just, 'How was your day?' 'Oh, it was good,' but nobody knows what that means.”Bob Moesta · 00:38:34
“Then you get to the next layer, the next layer is usually the fantasy nightmare layer, 'Oh, it was so good because of this,' or, 'Oh my God, it was so bad because...' They exaggerate to one degree or the next.”Bob Moesta · 00:38:34
