Detoxify The Left-Hand Column
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
You're thinking 'this is the dumbest thing to cry about.' You can't say that. But you CAN say: 'This seems really hard for you. What's going on?'
Fred Kaufman calls it the 'left-hand column' - the running commentary in your head during any conversation. 'They're totally wrong about this.' 'This is such a waste of time.' 'I can't believe they just said that.' You can't just open your mouth and say that stuff. But you also shouldn't stay silent.
Claire Hughes Johnson's advice: learn to detoxify it. Instead of 'You're completely wrong,' try 'I see it differently - can I share my perspective?' Instead of 'This is pointless,' ask 'I'm wondering if there's something we're missing here?'
With kids, the left-hand column is intense. 'Why are you making such a big deal about this?' 'This is the dumbest thing to cry about.' 'You're being so dramatic.' You can't say those things. But you CAN say: 'This seems really hard for you. Can you help me understand?' Or: 'I'm noticing you're really upset. What's going on?'
Own the observation. Ask a question. Don't pass judgment. The goal is to say the thing you think you can't say - just say it in a way that opens doors rather than closes them.
PM Theme: Feedback / difficult conversations
Parenting Theme: Communicating through frustration
“Fred Kaufman has this in his book, Conscious Business, this concept of a left hand column, which is you're in a dialogue with me or you're watching a meeting happen, and you've got a running commentary in your head. And honestly, some of that stuff is pretty harsh.”Claire Hughes Johnson · 00:35:47
“Learn how to detoxify the left-hand column. I would say think about a way to say that thing that you think you can't say.”Claire Hughes Johnson · 00:35:47
