The Values Exercise

Claire Hughes Johnson recommends an exercise: look at a list of 70 or 80 values - family, ambition, impact, education, integrity, competition. Pick 10 that matter to you. Then narrow to 5. Then force yourself to keep only 3.

The point isn't the final 3 - it's the conversation about WHY. She shares a story of a colleague whose top value was transparency. When pushed on why, he told the story of his mother's illness when he was seven - and nobody telling him what was happening until she was gone. That formative experience shaped his whole operating style.

You can do this exercise yourself. And when your kids are old enough, you can start doing simpler versions with them. 'What are the three things that matter most to you? If you could only have three, which would you keep?'

They might say 'my stuffed animal, my bike, and seeing Grandma.' Great - now you know something. Physical comfort, active play, relationships. That's not just a list. That's a starting point for understanding who they're becoming.

Values aren't abstract. They come from somewhere. Find the story.