Three Levels of Parenting
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
You're arguing about the iPad at dinner. Your partner is arguing about connection and development. You're both right - you're just on different levels.
Shreyas explains why smart, well-intentioned people conflict: they're on different levels. Impact (what result?), Execution (how to do it?), Optics (how does it look?).
'We litigate the minutiae of whatever issue we are discussing, but we never really recognize that it's because we are default thinking at different levels.'
Parenting fights work the same way.
You: 'Thirty minutes of screens is reasonable.' (Execution) Partner: 'I'm worried about attention spans long-term.' (Impact) You argue about the thirty minutes. They argue about effects. You're both right. Different levels.
Or: 'What will other parents think if our kid is the only one without a phone?' (Optics) vs. 'I don't care what they think, I care about our kid.' (Impact) Same conflict, different levels.
Before you escalate: which level are you on? Which level is your partner on?
Often the fight dissolves once you realize you're not disagreeing - you're just talking past each other. Then you can actually have the conversation that matters.
PM Theme: Alignment / conflict resolution
Parenting Theme: Resolving parenting disagreements
“We litigate the minutiae of whatever issue we are discussing, but we never really recognize that it's because we are default thinking at different levels.”Shreyas Doshi · 48:46
“So you as a PM perhaps are fixated... on the execution level, which is what does it take to get something done? The CEO on the other hand is approaching it from the impact level. And particularly perhaps in this case, what is the impact to the customer experience?”Shreyas Doshi · 48:46
