Watch For Eyes Lighting Up
Inspired by on Lenny's Podcast
'How was school?' 'Fine.' But mention the class pet and suddenly they're animated. That's data. That's what they actually care about.
Wes Kao describes 'eyes lighting up' as the moment in a conversation when someone goes from polite nodding to genuine engagement. 'Their face can't lie. They can say, oh yeah, okay, that's interesting. It's easy to say that and be polite, but when someone's eyes light up, that's a sign that something that you said triggered a reaction in them.'
Parents get polite nods too. 'Did you have fun at school?' 'Yeah.' But then you mention something specific - the class pet, the friend at lunch, the new playground equipment - and suddenly their whole body language changes.
That's data. That's what they actually care about.
'We all know we should do that, but really I think we're just being delusional' in not watching for these signals. Your kid's face tells you everything. The book that made them lean in. The topic that made them light up. The activity where they stopped squirming.
Don't ignore the data you're getting. Cut out all the parts that make their eyes go dead. Do more of what makes them light up.
PM Theme: User feedback / reading signals
Parenting Theme: Noticing what genuinely interests your child
“Their face can't lie. They can say, 'Oh yeah. Okay, that's interesting.' It's easy to say that and be polite, but when someone's eyes light up, that's a sign that something that you said triggered a reaction in them, a visceral reaction.”Wes Kao · 26:54
“If we just acknowledge reality and this person looks bored, they look bored, that is data. Don't ignore that data.”Wes Kao · 26:54
